We are imperfect creatures.
We forget what our friends told us.
We talk about ourselves too much.
We ask about others too little.
We expect too much from others.
And in spite of this we still balk at THEIR oddness.
“God, look at her jabber on”.
When in reality we all have our own brand of oddness.
In this way we all very similar.
The more clients I see, the more I am touched by our similarities, but also deeply saddened that so many of us don’t realise this, and think that we alone carry these oddities and quirks. This is because some of us don’t talk openly to others, or hear others talk openly to us about their raw humanness.
It is also true what they say.
That what we struggle with in another person tells us what we are struggling to accept in ourselves.
If we’re continually judging a friend for taking up too much space then we need to learn to take up more space.
Our relationships continually reveal our growing edges.
Take heart, this is how it’s meant to be.
It is also continuous so there is no need, or even point, in rushing to perfection.
It is only about being gently engaged with an open heart in the present.
I’ve come to realise that my level of irritation at friends has always been in direct correlation with how much I’ve left unsaid.
When I’ve responded in the moment with rebuttals, opinions or assertions there has been no need for resentment to settle.
When I’ve shared this way of being with people they have often looked uncomfortable, and maintained that they could never say THAT. It would hurt their friend.
And yet when we don’t speak up, we often end up drifting away, and cutting someone off without rhyme or reason.
How does this hurt a friend any less?
The more I reflect on relationships the more I’m learning that it’s about both speaking up in the moment, and leaving manoeuvring room for being human.
This isn’t the same as tolerating friendships that harm us.
It’s about being truthful with ourselves about our imperfections and shortcomings, and accepting them.
In the process of doing this we are much more likely to be able to love and accept others, and as a result, foster long and fruitful friendships.
And what a relief it is to stop denying our shortcomings and holding ourselves to impossibly high standards.
So, in celebration of imperfection!
Louise
