You’re here because you’re not convinced by the affirmation only path for trans children.
You’re deeply concerned about your child.
They have come out as a trans.
You may feel pressured to immediately affirm your childs new identity. You adore them, and have always supported them after all.
Everywhere you look; society, therapists and teachers are telling you to support them by affirming them.
Your child is starting to change their appearance – cut or grow their hair, wear very different clothes or change their make up.
You find yourself going along with it.
What are you meant to do? You don’t want to create an issue or make things worse.
Whatever you do feels wrong.
You remember that beautiful and flawless baby you held in your arms staring at endlessly.
For you, they were always perfect.
You’ve always adored them.
And now they want to drastically change themselves by transitioning.
And it’s bringing up feelings of fear, loss & rage.
You might find yourself thinking: what on earth have I done wrong?
How has this happened to YOUR kid?
As if this medley of emotions isn’t enough, you may well feel shame for feeling this: it isn’t appropriate, you’re a liberal and you believe in freedom of expression.
But something just feels very wrong and you have few places to turn.
They ask you to use different pronouns or call them a different name.
Your teen may be very confident and resolute about the changes they want to make.
You feel powerless, terrified and pretty isolated; without a road map to take a different approach.
My aim is to help you find your power, have a voice & safely navigate this challenging time with your teenager whilst maintaining, and even rebuilding if necessary, your connection with them.
They need you more then ever, but they need you in a very specific way.
They certainly won’t say it but they still need you to be a leader; to journey beside them a bit longer until they enter adulthood.
There are other ways of still being on your child’s side without having to be in support of their new chosen identity,
I can help you support your teen by:
Keeping an open mind; by neither rushing to affirm or dismiss your child’s request to transition.
Exploring together any underlying needs hiding beneath your child’s wish to transition and finding ways to support your child in meeting these.
Encouraging you to talk openly about your feelings without being labelled “wrong or “transphobic”. Not only does this provide you with some relief, it will also help you manage your fear, grief and anxiety so you can be there for your teen and not “on their case”. Instead of alienating them we can support your connection with your child.
Teaching you to stay attuned to your child so they feel heard and accepted thereby developing in them self compassion, self knowledge; and ultimately peace with themselves and their bodies.
Helping you to keep up with your teen. I’ve educated myself in trans ideology and can help you understand and engage in your child‘s world. You don’t need to agree with everything they’re saying but it helps if you can keep up a genuine interest & curiosity in trans issues.
Creating strong but flexible boundaries for your tween or teen. This age group needs an opportunity to explore who they are, and they do this in part by trying on different identities, but they don’t need to make them permanently real. I can help you formulate boundaries that both protect your child from anything damaging or irreversible whilst giving them enough room for self discovery.
I work online worldwide with parents of trans children.