Sometimes we berate ourselves for not being “strong” or for not “handling” a challenging situation.
Perhaps we broke down, or our anger rose to the surface for just a moment.
We make ourselves wrong for doing something truly healthy and self affirming.
Being in touch with our feelings.
If someone has hurt us, feeling hurt is where it’s at.
If someone has wronged us then we’re probably going to be angry (I’m not talking about acting out our anger, or chronic anger here).
I remember my therapist suggesting that I stopped hiding my tears and frustration during a really stressful time at work. I remember thinking that this sounded really unprofessional, and shrinking back uncomfortably at the idea.
Did I cry? No, in the end I didn’t. But I did show my feelings by expressing my anger, and it was with this anger that I had the energy to advocate for myself, and get what I wanted.
When we open ourselves to others, and are not living every moment heavily defended, then the reality is that we will get hurt. Humans are easily hurt. We’re soft & tender mammals.
Surviving a challenging situation without crying, or getting angry is not always enlightened.
It’s appropriate for us to show others the impact their behaviour has on us. This is transparency, congruence, authenticity in action. Call it what you like. It’s not about acting out, instead, it’s about revealing what’s happening inside us.
We do not need to make it okay for those who we feel hurt or angered by. This will only cement their belief that we can handle it, and therefore prevent them for realising that they MAY need to adjust their behaviour.
Being strong is not about denying our needs.
So when we get down to the nuts and bolts of it I’m talking about the power of vulnerability. And that maybe, just maybe, we are okay just as we are.